Under my skin

Everyone that I have the freedom to talk about how she makes me feel about to, will wonder WHY on earth she get's to me so much.

OMH will say "You've known her now for many years and still she bother's you?"

And my mother would just tell me not to LE T her get to me.

But you know what actually annoys me the most??

If my MIL was ANY other person annoying me, hurting me, disrespecting me or degrading me (as she does) I would just say so. I would just come right out and tell them they're being a bitch, or that they're not worth knowing.

But any other person would actually listen to what I was saying, perhaps take it in to account...and maybe even try not to do it any more.

Not my mother in law.

If yesterday when she had told me to SHUT UP I had got up and told her what a fucking bitch she is and told her how she can either learn to respect me or not see me ever again...then we'd never see her again.

And that sounds great. But being the person that I am...I would then spend the rest of my days getting blamed for breaking up the family. And I would then spend the rest of my nights awake actually wondering what *I* had done wrong to cause all of this trouble.

And then my marriage would break down because I wouldn't be able to let it go.

And THAT is why that woman get's under my skin so much. Because I can't say anything, or I break the family up. And if I did say something...she wouldn't listen and it wouldn't make a difference.

What I should have said...or done.

Today, for the first time in a week or two, we visited the evil Mother in Law.

OMH and I had just bought a new bassinet for Baby B and had taken it over to show them.

While discussing this new purchase, MIL started talking about making a blanket for it. And I, being a logical person...thought it best to make a crib blanket. Since when baby B will be born...it will be the middle of summer. And there will be no need for a blanket in the bassinet.

Sorry to be the voice of reason.

So out of the blue she says "I'm HIS grandmother and I can make a bassinet AND a crib blanket if I want NOW SHUT UP!"

I did the right thing. I told her she was being rude and not to tell me to shut up. But she continued to do it.

If I'd not been caught so out of the blue and by surprise I think I might have got up, grabbed Baby A and walked out, telling her that she can be a bitch to whoever she wants but I wasn't going to stand for it.

And OMH would be stuck there with a confused look on his face. Because his all mighty mother is very powerful in her family and well, he doesn't want to get in my bad books. So I might have added to my assault "And YOU grow a pair of ball's and TELL your mother to stop being a bitch to YOUR wife" and walked out.

But of course I didn't. She continued to tell me to shut up if I was telling her not to be rude. I would say "Don't be rude" and she'd say "Shut up" and I'd say "That is so rude" and she'd say "Shut up"

My life is just an ongoing list of things I should have said. But I told OMH tonight that she caught me off guard and I was unprepared for it. If it, or anything like it happens I may not bite my tongue. And why should I? Right??

Fucking bitch.

A funny thing happened...

A funny thing happened.

I started this blog. For no other reason than to bitch about my mother in law.

And then guess what happened??

I figured something out!!!

I figured out that my Mother in Law (and father in law) is a bully. A great big fat nasty BULLY.

And from then on, things have changed.

Not because SHE changed. But because *I* changed.

Because I all of a sudden stopped hearing what she was saying as anything other than "nasty nasty nasty!!"

And, who in their right mind WANTS to be bullied? I for one...don't.

So I figured that the best way to not get bullied (because there would be no quietly having a word with MIL to let her know that she hurts my feelings and drives me batty) is to stay away.

We used to visit every week. Sometimes twice a week. Just because.

Now, I wont go unless I have to.

It's been almost 2 weeks since we visited. And I feel great!

PARANOID!

I have to say that since starting this blog I've become just a little bit paranoid about the people who are coming over to have a look.

I know the people I have directly invited to come and have a look. But I have also mentioned it on a forum of mine, which I have always assumed my MIL doesn't know I'm at. Or at least, she's not smart enough to look for me. Too busy playing stupid games.

But then I install that thingee over there that tells me the places people are coming from without telling me who they are and that GLEN WAVERLY person pops up from time to time.

So I wonder, who is this person...who I do not know. Who lives not an hour and a half from me and half an hour from my SIL??

Care to post a comment...so I can feel safe here on my site again??

Smile and the world smiles with you...

Cry, and you cry alone.

How TRUE is that statement??

What really pisses me off is that I have this other blog. A family blog where, until I moved closer to the all mighty mother in law, I wrote everything that was going on in our lives. Not just first steps or what we've been doing. But the bad moods too. The good and the bad got reported on the blog for the world to see.

But now we're closer I get to hear what OMM (and OMF) have to say about it. And the main thing I hear over and over AND OVER again is how I (quote) "Don't want to be all depressing, you don't NEED that"

Are you fucking kidding me? We moved states...we got a great job. A nice house that we could afford because of said great job. And then BANG! Multiple Sclerosis and Oh Mighty Husband not only can't use part of his body, but can't work. Can't earn a living and loses his job.

But heaven forbid we actually express how fucked up our lives are right now. Heaven forbid we write the truth on there about how the MS has affected our lives. Our living arrangements. Our MARRIAGE.

It all has to be kept secret. I'm not even allowed to tell them that OMH is having therapy. Because he SHOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THIS!?

As far as they are both concerned, we should just get over it. We should just be happy to be alive. And oh how I would love to write that I sometimes wonder why I didn't succeed that first time I tried to commit suicide. Or how OMH often thinks that we would be better off if he killed himself so we could get his life insurance and get ahead on bills. Like that might actually be a good option.

So here we are. Writing in secret. Because writing is my way of getting it out. My way of not having to lay in bed for 6 hours each night wondering about the things that have been said and the things that SHOULD have been said.

I know, it's my blog. And it's my life. And I have NO IDEA why that woman (and her husband) get under my skin so much. But they do. And now that we're so close to them...I feel the weight of their judgment more than ever. I feel them restricting me because they think it's not right to be depressing on a blog.

I'm angry that they think life is so easy. No. I'm ANGRY that they don't acknowledge that life just got hard for us. That the things we have gone through in just these last few months might have crippled other families and yet we some how manage to smile sometimes.

For now, I'll come here to tell the truth about how life really is. And keep the happy snaps to the blog where everything is just peachy.

Life sucks.

Guest Post: Oh Mighty Sister In Law

Guest Writer: Em

“I have an OMS….Oh Mighty Sister-in-law.

She knows every thing there is worth knowing and can solve any and all your problems herself, without your contribution being necessary. All you have to do is bow down low and humbly explain all your pain and problems so that she can tell you it’s your own fault and that you should have thought of a million things beforehand and that it is the height of irresponsibility…blah blah blah and then she will simply say, ‘Now, go get a job/better job and everything will be fine’.

Now, why didn’t we think of that?!

She is also profoundly critical of our life choices….we didn’t buy the house in the burbs, the dog and the Desperate Housewives life package. We didn’t opt to work 40-60 hours a week to pay for said life and that offends her on so many levels. But when you see how happy she is….or at least the façade, well, gosh, what bad choices we’ve made. And what was this about breastfeeding until baby A was 2 years old, baby wearing until 3 years old and GASP! Co-sleeping…even now sometimes? And bedtime AFTER 8pm?!!! That one was a doozy for her to digest. Everyone knows that she will NEVER learn to be independent or cut the strings with mommy…We’re spoiling her and making a monster…

She has an opinion on everything and if you don’t agree, it’s war and she’ll spend the next HOURS trying to bring you to see her light. She will also harp on it for days with the OMP (Oh Mighty Parents-in-law) and ride her white charger all over spewing righteous indignation that her ‘advice’ was not followed. And the way she treats her own family….don’t even get me started! I have never given her advice on that score, because, well, I believe that parents should make their own decisions and that ‘help’ should only come when it’s asked for. Unsolicited advice is something I don’t enjoy being inflicted on me and I won’t do it to others…

But back to OMS, she tries to make my OMH feel bad about being out of work (cause GOSH! It’s so easy to find a job in this market…), she forbade him from coming over to her house because he sat on her couch and….wait for it…..ate some cookies! She also is blind jealous that my OMF actually unbent and warmed up to our baby A when she was still a baby and is more involved than he was with her kids. She doesn’t really know her own parents that well anymore and is quick to accuse us of taking advantage of their ‘giving’ nature….What? Wait…You want WHO to watch your dog and the new stray cat that you picked up on the side of the road and tried to foist off on the OMP? Oh, right, your parents, said OMP.

ACK! ACK! ACK!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for future installments in my own private soap opera….”

Know it all MIL

So this is the thing that prompted this blog. Because this woman is so far in my head that she's making me lose sleep!

Oh Mighty Mother In Law has 6 grand kids. All of them boys. And her favorite saying is "My boys only have boys"

But here's the thing. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and I WANT A GIRL!

When I was pregnant with my son, all I wanted was to have a girl. Because I only want two kids. Hell, I don't think I could cope with more than two. So having a girl first would have just meant that it didn't matter what came next, I had my girl.

Even back then she'd drill it in to me. My boys ONLY have boys.

I mean, it's not like it's a passing statement. She DRILL'S things in to you if she thinks she is right. She yell's at you. She repeats it. If I was to say "Well, I hope it's a girl" she would say, stop dreaming...IT'S A BOY!

And she was right. It was a boy. Just like she said.

So for the last 4 years, since finding out my son was a boy, I've wondered...is she really right this time?

This time around, everything is so different that I have that tiny bit of hope that it could be a girl. And each pregnancy comes with a 50% chance that it can go either way.

But she wont have it. When I mentioned the other day that we had our first scan coming up, one where you don't even get to find out the sex...she immediately said (with this stupid gay fucked up looked on her face) "It's a boy"

I tried my hardest to stand up to her. But standing up to this woman for me is like trying to prove the existence of life on another planet.

I asked her "What makes you say that?" and she said "It's just a hunch"

Well her HUNCHES just piss me off. Because she is well aware of how I feel about this. There really IS a chance that I could be having a girl and there is no reason what so ever at this point to think I can't be. But she is more than happy to try and kill my dreams before they get a chance to start.

I feel like she does this on purpose. Like hurting me, and squashing my feeling's has become a way of life for her. That she simply can not go a full day without mentioning that it's going to be a boy to me.

Simply because it upsets me.

I hope with all hope that she is wrong. But I fear with all the fear in my heart that she is right.