Smile and the world smiles with you...

Cry, and you cry alone.

How TRUE is that statement??

What really pisses me off is that I have this other blog. A family blog where, until I moved closer to the all mighty mother in law, I wrote everything that was going on in our lives. Not just first steps or what we've been doing. But the bad moods too. The good and the bad got reported on the blog for the world to see.

But now we're closer I get to hear what OMM (and OMF) have to say about it. And the main thing I hear over and over AND OVER again is how I (quote) "Don't want to be all depressing, you don't NEED that"

Are you fucking kidding me? We moved states...we got a great job. A nice house that we could afford because of said great job. And then BANG! Multiple Sclerosis and Oh Mighty Husband not only can't use part of his body, but can't work. Can't earn a living and loses his job.

But heaven forbid we actually express how fucked up our lives are right now. Heaven forbid we write the truth on there about how the MS has affected our lives. Our living arrangements. Our MARRIAGE.

It all has to be kept secret. I'm not even allowed to tell them that OMH is having therapy. Because he SHOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THIS!?

As far as they are both concerned, we should just get over it. We should just be happy to be alive. And oh how I would love to write that I sometimes wonder why I didn't succeed that first time I tried to commit suicide. Or how OMH often thinks that we would be better off if he killed himself so we could get his life insurance and get ahead on bills. Like that might actually be a good option.

So here we are. Writing in secret. Because writing is my way of getting it out. My way of not having to lay in bed for 6 hours each night wondering about the things that have been said and the things that SHOULD have been said.

I know, it's my blog. And it's my life. And I have NO IDEA why that woman (and her husband) get under my skin so much. But they do. And now that we're so close to them...I feel the weight of their judgment more than ever. I feel them restricting me because they think it's not right to be depressing on a blog.

I'm angry that they think life is so easy. No. I'm ANGRY that they don't acknowledge that life just got hard for us. That the things we have gone through in just these last few months might have crippled other families and yet we some how manage to smile sometimes.

For now, I'll come here to tell the truth about how life really is. And keep the happy snaps to the blog where everything is just peachy.

Life sucks.