For some reason OMM blamed me for this need for surgery. Nothing to do with my work , which she knew about. But everything to do with me going for a 5 minute ride on the back of a motor bike in 2012. Yup. That caused it. I'd only been in agony for 2 years now for this inury but..,it was the bike ride just before my surgery that caused it. A bike ride I chose to go on, and hence must have caused all of this need for surgery!?
I went in on a Tuesday. My own mother came down to look after the kids at home so that OMH could be in hospital and still attend exams at school. She once again travelled 6000kms to help out when we needed it.
OMM didn't even offer. Not when we found out the date I was having the surgery. Not in the week leading up to it. Not even a single question as to what OMH would do with the kids while I was in surgery for 4 hours and then, in hospital for a week of recovery.
I wasn't at all surprised when she didn't call even OMH the day of, the day after or even the following week to see how either I, OMH OR the kids were doing. No offer to make meals, babysit, help clean, take the pressure off. Nothing. Not surprising.
What did surprise me though was when OMM was under the impression that Baby A was going to have his own surgery this year. A major, major surgery. More major than mine, which left me pretty disabled for a few months. He would have been bed bound for 8 full weeks. In a half body cast. Unable to attent school, unable to even roll over in bed by himself.
The surgery was cancelled last minute. A little upsetting for us, as we'd been waiting for this since Baby A was born. For the answer to all of our problems, his problems, to be implemented. Only, they weren't the answers. They couldn't go ahead.
It took us a few days to let people know. We visited OMM and OMF the Saturday just a few days later to let them know. We explained it very clearly to them that day. I specifically remember having that conversation with them. Something about how my memory works that makes me know its true. I remember the table, as it had a specific catalogue on it. I remember trying to use my hands on the table to try and explain exactly why the surgery had been a good idea last year, but a bad idea with new results this year. I remember clearly how I explained it. My Mum found out via phone. My Dad found out through facebook. He didn't even get the courtesy of a phone call. But I'm 100% sure we had told OMM.
But 7 days after his scheduled surgery she called to find out how he had gone. How had his surgery gone? How is he feeling now? (Even though we'd told them about the cancellation)
She doesn't like me. So she didn't call. Didn't offer to help us in any way because somehow my bike ride 9 years after my initial injury, was why I needed this surgery. And so, my fault...why should she offer to help? Why would she call to see how my surgery was, even to offer her terrified son some moral support? I didn't expect it. I predicted it.
But why would she not call about Baby A's super major surgery? If, she knew he would be in hospital for a minimum of 2 weeks, why did it take a week to call just to see how it went? When she was just 5 minutes away and OMH would have been looking after Baby B, working AND trying to visit Baby A in hospital...would she not offer her hand in assistance BEFORE the surgery? Let us know or even a simple statement, "if there's anything I can do let me know?" WhY didn't she want to come and see him in hospital!?
I wasn't surprised when she didn't call about me. Though not offering to help OMH get through his exams and everything about that was a bit...unmotherly.
But to not give one single fuck about Baby A. To not offer a single minute of help. Why??