I haven't spoken to the OMM for three weeks now.
And it feels GREAT!
I have a heap I could write about but wanted to share with you my last birthday.
OMM and OMF took me out for dinner. With OMH and his brother and his brother's new girlfriend.
I had a middle ear infection and a sinus infection. I was not feeling very well at all. I could barely keep my balance and I was feverish as well.
My son needed to have his diaper changed and she offered to help me. On our way to the change room I offered her an apology for being such bad company and explained I was not feeling well. Please note, we were living with her for three weeks while we waited to get access to our new house so she knew full well that I hadn't been well for days. She accepted my apology and we did what we had to do and moved back to the table.
I was sitting next to her. And I had a dizzy spell, put my hand on her shoulder to stabilize and moaned with the pain it caused in my ear.
She looked over at me and snapped "Whats WRONG with YOU!?" I reminded her that I had a middle ear infection, was not feeling well and my ear was hurting me.
I really don't know why she did this. But it seemed to me that she was showing off for the new girlfriend. It seemed to me she had something to prove. I don't know what it was or why she had to do it but she announced in a snarl "Oh yeah? Well maybe I should slap your other ear and then you wouldn't notice?"
I was really hurt by that. And stunned. And speechless. I did not say anything back to her. I did not tell her I thought she was a bitch, even though it had crossed my mind.
Tell me people. Why do I sit and put up with her shit?? Why do I feel the need to LET HER WALK ALL OVER ME, when more than half of our time spent together is spent her being nasty to me. For no reason?
I've spent these last few years wondering what I am doing wrong. Why she does this to me and why I care so much. I've figured in the last few weeks of no contact that I'm probably not doing anything wrong. And I care so much because it should not BE LIKE THIS. That it probably would not matter how far up her ass I shoved my head, she would eventually find a way (not reason, she has no reason for this behavior) to make my life miserable. To belittle me, to undermine my parenting. To be rude to me in front of other people and then deny it ever happened.
Right this minute, neither OMH or I have spoken to her or anyone in his family for three weeks. OMM and I had a fight and I told OMH that I had had enough and his mother and his family could kiss my ass. He totally agrees (since the fight she and I had we are in total agreement on) We have no intention at this time to go sucking back. But having said that, SHE HAS NO IDEA we're even pissed at her. She has NO IDEA that she's totally crossed our line. She thinks we're busy, and have stayed away because we have things we really need to do at this time of year. Even though the last time she and I spoke, it all got very nasty.
She's a fucking moron.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I just discovered your blog and I really feel for you. Your Monster in Law sounds like a textbook malignant narcissist. If you aren't familiar with the term, just google it and you will be amazed to find out you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteI don't like getting unsolicited advice and I don't usually give it, so please forgive me if I am overstepping your boundaries. I just want to share with you a few tips on interacting with these types of a-holes.
First, never share any information with them about yourself or others, it will only be used against you. Keep all interactions completely superficial. If they prod you for information or ask your opinion, play dumb and say something like, "I'm not sure about that" or "I don't have an opinion about that." Don't worry if they might think you are dumb because the truth is, they think they are gods and everyone else is inferior. You can't change it, so don't waste your time and energy.
Secondly, while interacting with them, picture in your mind what they really are, and that is people in an arrested state of emotional development. These are people that never developed empathy for others, something that is crucial for humans to be able to live in harmony with others. They are emotionally stuck in the toddler stage, so see them as the spoiled, bratty little toddlers they really are.
Thirdly, don't fall into their traps of projection, triangulation, gaslighting, etc. These are standard methods of manipulation that most narcissists employ to get their way.
These are some of the things that have to be used in order to maintain your own sanity when dealing with toxic people like your MIL.
Believe me, I know what you are going through, I've been there myself. My father was a clinically diagnosed narcissist! It took me forty years to finally see the light and realise that there is NO HOPE with these type of people. Once you learn all about narcissism, though, there is no turning back. You will never be the same again. You will become more cynical and less trusting of others but the reward is that you will be stronger and more trusting of your instincts, which to me has been worth it. It is all about protecting yourself from the harm that they will do to you, given the chance. Don't give them that chance!