PARANOID!

I have to say that since starting this blog I've become just a little bit paranoid about the people who are coming over to have a look.

I know the people I have directly invited to come and have a look. But I have also mentioned it on a forum of mine, which I have always assumed my MIL doesn't know I'm at. Or at least, she's not smart enough to look for me. Too busy playing stupid games.

But then I install that thingee over there that tells me the places people are coming from without telling me who they are and that GLEN WAVERLY person pops up from time to time.

So I wonder, who is this person...who I do not know. Who lives not an hour and a half from me and half an hour from my SIL??

Care to post a comment...so I can feel safe here on my site again??

Smile and the world smiles with you...

Cry, and you cry alone.

How TRUE is that statement??

What really pisses me off is that I have this other blog. A family blog where, until I moved closer to the all mighty mother in law, I wrote everything that was going on in our lives. Not just first steps or what we've been doing. But the bad moods too. The good and the bad got reported on the blog for the world to see.

But now we're closer I get to hear what OMM (and OMF) have to say about it. And the main thing I hear over and over AND OVER again is how I (quote) "Don't want to be all depressing, you don't NEED that"

Are you fucking kidding me? We moved states...we got a great job. A nice house that we could afford because of said great job. And then BANG! Multiple Sclerosis and Oh Mighty Husband not only can't use part of his body, but can't work. Can't earn a living and loses his job.

But heaven forbid we actually express how fucked up our lives are right now. Heaven forbid we write the truth on there about how the MS has affected our lives. Our living arrangements. Our MARRIAGE.

It all has to be kept secret. I'm not even allowed to tell them that OMH is having therapy. Because he SHOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THIS!?

As far as they are both concerned, we should just get over it. We should just be happy to be alive. And oh how I would love to write that I sometimes wonder why I didn't succeed that first time I tried to commit suicide. Or how OMH often thinks that we would be better off if he killed himself so we could get his life insurance and get ahead on bills. Like that might actually be a good option.

So here we are. Writing in secret. Because writing is my way of getting it out. My way of not having to lay in bed for 6 hours each night wondering about the things that have been said and the things that SHOULD have been said.

I know, it's my blog. And it's my life. And I have NO IDEA why that woman (and her husband) get under my skin so much. But they do. And now that we're so close to them...I feel the weight of their judgment more than ever. I feel them restricting me because they think it's not right to be depressing on a blog.

I'm angry that they think life is so easy. No. I'm ANGRY that they don't acknowledge that life just got hard for us. That the things we have gone through in just these last few months might have crippled other families and yet we some how manage to smile sometimes.

For now, I'll come here to tell the truth about how life really is. And keep the happy snaps to the blog where everything is just peachy.

Life sucks.

Guest Post: Oh Mighty Sister In Law

Guest Writer: Em

“I have an OMS….Oh Mighty Sister-in-law.

She knows every thing there is worth knowing and can solve any and all your problems herself, without your contribution being necessary. All you have to do is bow down low and humbly explain all your pain and problems so that she can tell you it’s your own fault and that you should have thought of a million things beforehand and that it is the height of irresponsibility…blah blah blah and then she will simply say, ‘Now, go get a job/better job and everything will be fine’.

Now, why didn’t we think of that?!

She is also profoundly critical of our life choices….we didn’t buy the house in the burbs, the dog and the Desperate Housewives life package. We didn’t opt to work 40-60 hours a week to pay for said life and that offends her on so many levels. But when you see how happy she is….or at least the façade, well, gosh, what bad choices we’ve made. And what was this about breastfeeding until baby A was 2 years old, baby wearing until 3 years old and GASP! Co-sleeping…even now sometimes? And bedtime AFTER 8pm?!!! That one was a doozy for her to digest. Everyone knows that she will NEVER learn to be independent or cut the strings with mommy…We’re spoiling her and making a monster…

She has an opinion on everything and if you don’t agree, it’s war and she’ll spend the next HOURS trying to bring you to see her light. She will also harp on it for days with the OMP (Oh Mighty Parents-in-law) and ride her white charger all over spewing righteous indignation that her ‘advice’ was not followed. And the way she treats her own family….don’t even get me started! I have never given her advice on that score, because, well, I believe that parents should make their own decisions and that ‘help’ should only come when it’s asked for. Unsolicited advice is something I don’t enjoy being inflicted on me and I won’t do it to others…

But back to OMS, she tries to make my OMH feel bad about being out of work (cause GOSH! It’s so easy to find a job in this market…), she forbade him from coming over to her house because he sat on her couch and….wait for it…..ate some cookies! She also is blind jealous that my OMF actually unbent and warmed up to our baby A when she was still a baby and is more involved than he was with her kids. She doesn’t really know her own parents that well anymore and is quick to accuse us of taking advantage of their ‘giving’ nature….What? Wait…You want WHO to watch your dog and the new stray cat that you picked up on the side of the road and tried to foist off on the OMP? Oh, right, your parents, said OMP.

ACK! ACK! ACK!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for future installments in my own private soap opera….”

Know it all MIL

So this is the thing that prompted this blog. Because this woman is so far in my head that she's making me lose sleep!

Oh Mighty Mother In Law has 6 grand kids. All of them boys. And her favorite saying is "My boys only have boys"

But here's the thing. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and I WANT A GIRL!

When I was pregnant with my son, all I wanted was to have a girl. Because I only want two kids. Hell, I don't think I could cope with more than two. So having a girl first would have just meant that it didn't matter what came next, I had my girl.

Even back then she'd drill it in to me. My boys ONLY have boys.

I mean, it's not like it's a passing statement. She DRILL'S things in to you if she thinks she is right. She yell's at you. She repeats it. If I was to say "Well, I hope it's a girl" she would say, stop dreaming...IT'S A BOY!

And she was right. It was a boy. Just like she said.

So for the last 4 years, since finding out my son was a boy, I've wondered...is she really right this time?

This time around, everything is so different that I have that tiny bit of hope that it could be a girl. And each pregnancy comes with a 50% chance that it can go either way.

But she wont have it. When I mentioned the other day that we had our first scan coming up, one where you don't even get to find out the sex...she immediately said (with this stupid gay fucked up looked on her face) "It's a boy"

I tried my hardest to stand up to her. But standing up to this woman for me is like trying to prove the existence of life on another planet.

I asked her "What makes you say that?" and she said "It's just a hunch"

Well her HUNCHES just piss me off. Because she is well aware of how I feel about this. There really IS a chance that I could be having a girl and there is no reason what so ever at this point to think I can't be. But she is more than happy to try and kill my dreams before they get a chance to start.

I feel like she does this on purpose. Like hurting me, and squashing my feeling's has become a way of life for her. That she simply can not go a full day without mentioning that it's going to be a boy to me.

Simply because it upsets me.

I hope with all hope that she is wrong. But I fear with all the fear in my heart that she is right.

Getting the party started...

So obviously I can't tell you who I am. But you'll need to know a little about my family and I to get to know us anyway.

Let's just say, I'm a thirty something mother. Married to the father of her child. With one on the way.

My husband, who shall from this point onwards be known as Oh Might Husband (or OMH) used to work very hard for his family. But then was dealt a hard blow when diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis some time in 2009. Now, he's at school. Studying something that is way too complicated for me to understand. But he seems to be doing ok.

My son, shall be known as Baby A. Of course he's NOT a baby. But he's not exactly a teenager either. Let's just say, he's still in nappies. But hopefully not for long. Baby A has a few health issues that not so much make him feel or look sick, but that offer him more challenges in life than other kids of his age.

Then there is extended family. Ruled completely by Oh Mighty Mother In Law. OMM

The best way for me to describe her to you, is to tell you that my husbands mother is a Pit Bull on Speed. I mean, you just don't wanna fuck with this woman... once she's got a hold of your balls...she is never ever gonna let go.

When OMH and I got married, not five minutes after the fact...she hugged me. She said "Welcome to the family" and immediately I wanted to run and hide. I hadn't thought of that. I hadn't thought that I would actually have to put up with this woman for the rest of my life. Being married to OMH was easy enough to digest. In fact, I'll never look back on that choice.

But when she said those words in to my ear I wondered if suicide was an option?

Even now it's a toss up. Suicide or homicide. I can't decide.

I've started this blog because OMM get's right in under my skin. I mean, I can't stop thinking about her. Because she does things that I'm pretty sure she knows are upsetting me. But does them anyway.

I've done this, because I actually have another family blog. Where things got very quiet all of a sudden because we moved way too close to The Pit Bull for comfort and now I can't think of anything to put on that site that isn't a lie about the way life is right now.

I don't think she'd really like me talking about her the way I am going to talk about her here.

Hence, the secrecy.

Introducing...

Absolutely no one.

Because I can't tell you who I am here.

I can't tell you who my family is.

I can't add photo's.

Because knowing my luck, this is going to be the blog that makes me rich and famous.

The one I can't be known for.

Because I am gonna BITCH like you wouldn't believe about my mother in law!